Unfit for Mumbai

I confess that whenever I was in any other city than Mumbai, I always missed Mumbai. This city has its own lifestyle, pace, and spirit that makes it very unique. Every creature leaving here has to be in sync. There is no place for those who steps out of this routine. Each one gradually adapts Mumbaiyya lifestyle, and they lost in it. Spending few days here I noticed that how Mumbai points out your incompatibility.

"Hey mom, what’s for dinner today?", I asked while getting ready to go out. "It’s your favorite fish curry tonight", mom replied. "Wow! I will be back for dinner." me. "Are you sure? Don’t get lost in Mumbai. Things have changed so far.", mom warns me. "Come on mom, i grown up here, I don’t think Mumbai has changed in last one year.", me little surprised. "Doofus! Its not Mumbai but you have changed.", Mom clarifies. "Hmmm, but anyways I cannot stay at home.", I was out before ending my statement. I was on the same old street, same old shops, similar faces around. "But hey, why do I smell this wierd smell? I never felt that before. I can distinctly get smell of rice, chandan, oil, coconut, spice, onion etc.", I was wondering what happened to my nose. For clarification I asked Pappu, "I am getting different smell at different shops. This grocery shop smells differently than that pickle shop. Do you feel the same?". In return Pappu laughed out loudly, "Dude, you just lost compatibility with Mumbai. Each mumbaikar has filter in his nose. You need to install it in your nose.". I was surprised, but totally avoided him by giving sarcastic smile.

"Hey! What are you doing? Are you counting cars on the road?" another 10 year kid reads my confused state of mind. "I am waiting for the signal to become red. I think its worth to wait for 2 minutes", me clarify. "Haha, just get into the middle of the road, its easy to cross the road. There is mutual understanding between pedestritian and driver. No mumbaikar wants to waste 2 minutes waiting for signal. The life here is so fast.". "I guess you need attachments for your mind and brain, just similar to each mumbaikar has. It will keep you active and alert for this fast life. Please get it installed.", he added more. I am puzzled.

"When is next 43 coming?" I enquired about bus. "in 15 minutes.", immediately I got reply from some unknown person on bus-stop. I knew that 43 goes to Matunga, But wondered how destination to bus-number mapping is maintained? You won’t find any maps or routes of buses, but still everyone travells comfortably. "This definitely needs brain with huge memory just like mumbaikar", I just pointed out. 200 stops at bus-stop. "Dadar jayega?", some girl shouted at crowd. Immediate reply came from some co-passenger, "haan, get in. Dadar jayega.". "I suppose mumbaikar's brain has support for huge memory. I will need memory card for my brain and kind heart to help other people. It’s like databank, faster than DBMS." to myself.

43 arrives, but it is so crowded. I feel it’s not worth getting into it, but let it go. But Ajju drags me into the crowd. "Why do you want to waste some more time waiting for bus?" surprised Ajju. "Its risky traveling like this.", I answered him. We both were hanging in the door. "Haha, don't worry nothing will happen. You just need another attachment of courage for mind, just like mumbaikar.", Ajju finishes. Mumbaikar has fast calculating mind. if he has to catch 5:14pm train, then he has to take 4:30pm bus, and to catch this bus/train, he doesnt want to waste time at queue, crossing or at signal. In any scenario he has to catch the bus/train, even if it is overcrowded.

"Huh, Bus is stuck in traffic, it hardly moved in last 30 minutes." I complained. my co-passenger replied, "haha, timepass karne ke liye itne saare FM radio channels hai na. Time toh aise nikal jayega". It seems traffic is least bothering these people. I don't know what I need for this? "But its very hot, so much of horn, noise. so much of pollution", I complained again. "Dude, each mumbaikar has special filter in his ears, which filters out high decible noise. You need it.", got the answer. "You need special skin, for this humid climate. each mumbaikar borns with special pollution-defence kit. I am sure you had it, but it seems you lost it some where." some more he added.

"Arre, but I don't see any good looking girls in Mumbai now a days", I was little disappointed. "Have you gone blind?" shouted Pamya, "Have you visited shopping malls?". "Yes, i was there couple of times", me. "and Multplexes?", he. "Yes", me. "Visit colleges, you will find many good looking girls there as well", Pamya. "Oye, I did that too." unhappy me. "Dude, you have visited all the places where high proximity of babes. I think you have fall in love", he concluded, and he left me confused.